Two days ago, I spent the evening with my cousins and their respective girlfriends plus a newborn baby boy. My cousins are twins and 15 years older than me and both live in London too. They kindly accommodated me and helped me out when I first moved to London some seven months ago. After that, I’ve rarely seen them since.
It was really lovely to see them again. We had drinks and ate lovely food in a rather opulent hotel restaurant near Embankment. It was all very civilised and enjoyable and, for the first time, we’re really getting to know one another.
However, my contribution to the conversation and responses to their general questions of interest in my activity and life has really prompted me to assess my outlook on things. I felt like ‘Mr Gloom’. Nothing was good enough for me. I moaned about almost every aspect of my life and it became a running joke that I was rarely satisfied with anything. This is a somewhat embarrassing personality trait.
Come to think of it, most of the time I write a post on my blog it’s to moan about something. Even now, I’m moaning about myself...
Why am I always so disappointed with people and things?
Am I ungrateful and unappreciative and do I just generally enjoy moaning? Or, on the other hand, do I simply know what I want and, if I’m not getting what I want, I’m not satisfied with it? I’d prefer to be the latter, although that’s entering the kind of territory where one can be criticised as spoilt and selfish. Maybe I am a little selfish and maybe I can be a little spoilt (God only knows who’s around to spoil me though, other than myself)!
It was rather interesting to have highlighted this part of my personality. For a moment, I stopped short and looked at myself objectively and I cringed at what I was hearing myself say.
I think I need to remind myself to be grateful for the things I have in my life and to consider myself lucky to have achieved the things that I have so far.
