I’ve always been a perfectionist and I’ve generally always been a hard worker – both academically and in my employment. I succeeded throughout my academic career and, thus far, can’t complain at my professional achievements. However, day by day, my career ambitions and job satisfaction crumble down around me. I’m trapped in a vicious cycle.
It’s like a weekly battle within me: the young and ambitious lawyer versus the free-spirit who wants to travel, spend time making the most of life and channelling energy into more creative projects with a hope that, once and for all, I will finally feel satisfied.
This constant battle isn’t new though; it’s ever present. The intensity of the feelings fluctuates. From time to time they may rest silently in abeyance. But, I know that they will return. It’s something that I cannot shut myself off from.
I feel like a broken record caught constantly repeating the same expressions of woe, misery, frustration and confusion. For this, I apologise. I just don’t know how to deal with the problem.
Giving everything up at once for a complete change of lifestyle is an incredibly huge choice to make and carries with it phenomenal risks. But, I am still young and nobody is dependent on me. Perhaps now is the time to take the jump.
I know that I take what I have for granted. It’s a fundamental flaw in my being. I am lucky. But, I long to feel more satisfied. I long for time to focus on enjoying life. I don't want to be immersed in the numbing and absurdly obscure daily routine. Have human beings really evolved over the years to find ourselves, in the 21st century, caught up in a daily cycle that ultimately revolves around the misery of working for money simply to 'make ends meet' whilst making even more money for somebody else in the process? Don’t we all deserve to enjoy our individual presence, identity, life, opportunities and choices? Shouldn’t we be able to give things up, make mistakes, learn from our mistakes and take risks all in the name of searching for happiness, to be content and to enjoy every last minute that we have of our precious and short time on Earth?
Maybe I’m being naive. It’s possible that my thoughts are still clouded by childlike dreams of living in blissful happiness. But, I’d rather attack life with childlike naivety and learn from my mistakes than survive (un)comfortably within a box that society built for me.
Ideally, I wouldn’t have to work at all. However, this is, on the whole, an unrealistic prospect as, much to my dismay, we all need money. Thus, seeking employment that provides job satisfaction is key to a happier life.
Herein lies the problem. What career will give me complete job satisfaction? Will I ever feel satisfied? Am I just getting lazier and lazier as I grow or are my feelings genuinely well founded and simply a manifestation of boredom and the desire for newer and greater things?
